The Past

We were naive, we should have known better. It's not really your fault, this time it's mine. I don't want to cause a concussion by going up to you, heart beating fast, and to tell you that I really really like you too. Sometimes I wonder if I did tell you that, what would we do? What would the rest of the class say to me? To us? Would we be together, hold hands for the first time in almost more than 2 years?

But I resisted, because I was scared. Scared for that ending. I am not selfish, but I am frightened that the others who I heard liked me too, would be heart broken. My exams are also vital, and if I entertain would I slip and fail? The walls enclosed, and the door sealed shut - from the opportunity that I sometime yearn.

I really really like you then. I daydream about the time I looked deep into your eyes although it's accidental, the time when you told my friend you liked me though at first you said you didn't when you first came to avoid the rumours, the time where you shyly but finally confessed through a message, when you called me telling me that you told your mum about me. There's more to that than these few things I mentioned. I let it happen, I listened, but I didn't respond - although I do really, I do, like you. You were the best of all of them. But I'm afraid to say that. I am insane.

When that year has gone, you were gone. I met you for the last time when we crossed each other in a mall. I let that go again. And I never met you ever.

When we grew you changed. I stayed the same, but I changed in the end. We weren't meant. After two years of your absence, I was finally cured. I stopped thinking of you and about those three years we went through together, suddenly I am free from your clutches. Knowing that you are not there anymore, I wouldn't dream for another guy then. I grew independent, not needing another love to shatter. I can walk around on my own two feet.

Who is this guy? Why should I need him?

Those days are long gone. Until last night, it all came back.

You were there, in my dream. We were facing each other, talking and smiling. It suddenly came to me how sweet your presence is. It all came back, and we were as good as we were kids. But you left after realising a bruise on my arm. I know what I said to my sister exactly yesterday, that dream are mere replays of your thoughts and experiences. But I came to wonder what it meant... It's been puzzling my mind since then.

But I guess, I could let this little leaf go again. It's all hopeless after all.