Hieroglyphics

I know I wasn't meant to look but curiousity have left me itching to open up the exercise book of a university student who had entitled it in the front cover "the recreation of solar energy..." and the rest were self-assured. Lifting up the front page slowly to reveal the content, something unrelated caught my attention. Merely a thin bookmark had sent me typing away in to google for some discovery - and in less than a minute, I saw a full chart of hieroglyphical alphabets in front of me.

Determined to seek an understanding of the system, I stumbled upon a tutor from a website about understanding the hieroglyphics. It is, naturally, educational and highly interactive.

From there on (although I won't be there for too long to actually memorised all of them), I found out that the hieroglyphics are somehow related, if not, is the point of creation in literature used in the civilisation. The use was dated back 5000 years ago - and was used for quite sometime till the romans.

The glyphs (or diagrams) represents not letters, but the sound/phonetics to make the sentence. Naturally, as the phonetics are taught but not recorded to affirm the exact way they sound, the phonetics get different kind of ways to say. This easily leads to general confusion when encrypting it on to the structure. Thus, ideogrammatic glyphs (also called as derminitive glyphs as they 'determine') are presented usually in the end of a sentence so that it does not mislead. They are not however, phonetics but represents ideas or objects. To be simply put, it helps to identify the meaning.

Hieroglyphic tutor website: http://www.mnsu.edu/emuseum/prehistory/egypt/egypttutor/

Yey Egypt for the invention of civilisation.

The Past : when writing that

I never actually told this to anyone, and if I was freaking scared if anyone spotted me when typing all of that in the previous entry.

It's a childhood memory. But nothing could surpass that. That little piece of puzzle made it harder for me to fall for anyone. It's a secret, that only a few people know of.

Pinky swear.

Besides it would be tiresome to explain it over again, and I would feel so exposed, so .. naked.

The Past

We were naive, we should have known better. It's not really your fault, this time it's mine. I don't want to cause a concussion by going up to you, heart beating fast, and to tell you that I really really like you too. Sometimes I wonder if I did tell you that, what would we do? What would the rest of the class say to me? To us? Would we be together, hold hands for the first time in almost more than 2 years?

But I resisted, because I was scared. Scared for that ending. I am not selfish, but I am frightened that the others who I heard liked me too, would be heart broken. My exams are also vital, and if I entertain would I slip and fail? The walls enclosed, and the door sealed shut - from the opportunity that I sometime yearn.

I really really like you then. I daydream about the time I looked deep into your eyes although it's accidental, the time when you told my friend you liked me though at first you said you didn't when you first came to avoid the rumours, the time where you shyly but finally confessed through a message, when you called me telling me that you told your mum about me. There's more to that than these few things I mentioned. I let it happen, I listened, but I didn't respond - although I do really, I do, like you. You were the best of all of them. But I'm afraid to say that. I am insane.

When that year has gone, you were gone. I met you for the last time when we crossed each other in a mall. I let that go again. And I never met you ever.

When we grew you changed. I stayed the same, but I changed in the end. We weren't meant. After two years of your absence, I was finally cured. I stopped thinking of you and about those three years we went through together, suddenly I am free from your clutches. Knowing that you are not there anymore, I wouldn't dream for another guy then. I grew independent, not needing another love to shatter. I can walk around on my own two feet.

Who is this guy? Why should I need him?

Those days are long gone. Until last night, it all came back.

You were there, in my dream. We were facing each other, talking and smiling. It suddenly came to me how sweet your presence is. It all came back, and we were as good as we were kids. But you left after realising a bruise on my arm. I know what I said to my sister exactly yesterday, that dream are mere replays of your thoughts and experiences. But I came to wonder what it meant... It's been puzzling my mind since then.

But I guess, I could let this little leaf go again. It's all hopeless after all.

Psychiatric Disorder?

"Lissa took the What Psychiatric Disorder Do You Have? quiz and the result is Dependent Personality

You have a hard time breaking away from a relationship. You hate being alone and you feel that you must have a relationship. You have a hard time making even the simplest of decisions and you will often subordinate your needs to keep your significant other with you. In other words, you are co-dependent even in a toxic relationship."



That's a test I did in Facebook. I denied the result as I implied it on myself, but as I read further begin to wonder - to really refer back I have came into a revelation. It's almost true at times, though it really depends on how I feel. I do recall giving into whoever I was close to.

I remember being turned down by a friend, a best friend in fact, from the internet. It was stressful and it was tense. I was literally out of my soul that time, blaming it all on me. It took me hard to convince her back and I did in the end - we came into a resolution. Even so, I could still remember the feeling. It was horrible and I felt empty, drowned, useless. For my aid at the time, I sleep them all off with tears running down my soured face. I was so happy when we were back together again. Lookin back, I couldn't believe how weak. I've always adored someone who is strong for themselves.

For my lovelife, I am not very prone and vulnerable, though secretly I do care whether they like me or not and why for, and if they still like me. I may be independent as I always say I am in my lovelife, but once I got the concrete set up on my feet knocked down, I'll fall head over heals though I do not look like it. So far, no one I have met had done that.

So this result is true. Well, very true. But nowadays, because I am currently and constantly aiding that weakness, it depends on how much that person had convinced me in the first place. Still though, If I have a problem with another person, I would escape to someone other who I could lean on.

You shouldn't shut someone completely.

I know there's no reason for me to write this at all - heck, it's not even my problem - but it's just one of those days you would want to write about something when you know that somethin is not right.

This could last only for awhile and just disappear like nothing's happened, but I can't help but feel.

My sister has been hanging around with her a lot. It's crazy, but I know she's found - both of them found - someone to lean on. It is sweet, but in some ways bends many rules that we played all this while. The people around, just became suspicious. Then I see changes evolve around the friendship status (added with insecurity), but I guess it is worth it. They were pretty happy with each other and she became closer to me, to us as a family.

But just the day before at late hour, my sister started not talking at all. Not to me, not to her - especially not to her. She shut herself in silence and went off to bed without any sort of notice. Because of this, the visitor would feel left out, right? And I feel that's totally wrong.

The same thing happened the next day when we were picking up my brother from the airport. Well, the whole day actually. Not a word. Just silence. When someone urges, no answer came out from my sister. There must be something going on, something big perhaps - but it shouldn't lead to this. She tried to cheer my sister up and she refused.

All I am saying is, that it is totally unfair to her, the way my sister is treating her. She stays overnight and to shut her in her loneliness - let alone leave her completely - that's just selfish and unfair. Sure we dealt with problems, we all have problems don't we? But that's just too selfish. Taken things too far. Jeopardise others and your relationship. But what could you do? At least be considerate. I know it's hard but you shouldn't just leave and let alone, you know? It's cruel.

She hung out with me most of the time, which I am perfectly fine with because she is my best friend too after all - almost like a sister to be frank. But usually she would play with the both of us.