I have inherited the personality when I'm younger. Isolation, was a friend I've grown to like. The voice in my head, even though subtle, talks and directs me - when me as an outsider walked the planes of earth with great confusion. As a child, I question everything. Why people do this, and what makes my friends happy. What do I do, I join in. I don't know what they term things, and I seem to have lost myself into knowing what things really mean when they really say it. I do it, because I want to create theories, and seem myself as normal - to be in the crowd and fit in. I am skeptical, but I join the crowd, no matter how separated and controlled I feel whenever I'm around them. That's never grown out of me at times.

I often play with my stationaries as characters then imagining things happening, but they do not appear in front of me. I never have any imaginary friends because I am well-off. But I am equipped with imagination and magic, and a dash of magical thinking all contained in my little head. Sometimes I hear voices, and sometimes I feel some sort of presence behind my back, but that all disappears now. It's faint but I had lived out of it.

I am neither here or there. I think differently to people. Absorbing atmospheres, becoming easily endorsed in an 'inner world' about a certain phase or topic or time of year. Appreciating this - I have a new aim, I want to be different.

but things change when you grow up. You've become less of what you are, adopting normal habits and definitions. But I still have it. I still think very metaphorical, i believe things relate from one thing to another at a random event, and I pay attention to little details when I want to. I also have difficulty in expressing myself towards others, but that has improved. I did find out I'm not really just the only one.

I still can never resurrect things out of my mind. I am sane. I am completely sane.
I am not schizotypal, but I can say I've got a foot in.

You are connected with yourself by memories

I find myself in a conversation with people whom I barely met or know of.

Just another boneless feature I've picked up these few weeks, What's more to expect? But really, it feels good knowing that I have it.

I had the most wtf moments of my life. How it had come to this, I don't know. But this is the last chance for me. Need to prove myself. Time to put everything out of the door and to get serious. Really serious.

Of Internet and Primates.

Dear blog,
There is nothing to share in this empty think tanker of mine. Last night intense research had deduced me to a frail piece of leaf. I wanted to add more things to the list of applications in the essay, but time had warned me against it - school hours drawing closer.

Apart from one thing that lingered in my mind after an article I have read sometime ago, (before I was told by the librarian that the library is closed in the early mornings even for senior pupils. It shattered my hopes of reading in tranquil while everyone is idle in their playgrounds). I'll explain keep it brief though I find it a lengthy controversial fun debate.

Internet in the new generation has become increasingly important to users across the globe, either for business purposes, education, games and such. No question, a valuable efficient mode of communication coupled with an abundance of information. People will consult their laptops anytime at the point of day regularly, chatting away long hours in MSN or engrossing oneself to a NASA fact in their parent website. Can't say it didn't change the way we live in this world. Indeed, things have become more virtual. But who is to stop Technology from growing? I would have to chuckle quietly in the corner, because there is no other way to stop Singularity from happening [I promise, this topic will surface in a future blog post]. To do so, as said from a wise man, 'Is have a totalitarianism control system in the world.' And who's to say we'll obey whatever they impose on us? [to further discussion, simply look for the book entitled '1984', which rock band Muse based their Resistance album from]

I might have deviate myself away from the focus. Alright, what I'm saying is, have you ever question what has become of the impact of using the internet to the way we approach things? Our mental structure, of getting things done? A guy in the article had pointed out that in our primitive days, we are preferred to study different areas or topics all once in order to learn as much as we can - so that we could have better survival. We focus different things at one single time. The age has developed since to make way for civilised humans, things are now jotted down to books concentrating on one specific prospect. We focus on one thing at a time, investing time to dive in to its rich context to understand it to depth.

Ever since the option of several tabs of different websites were readily made available in the world of internet, we are slightly encouraged to operate how we did in the monkey-days [according to evolution, but I don't necessarily believe in that]. We broaden our awareness of many things, but we don't know what it is actually about to its acquired depth. Vital pieces of information that could inspire or help you may have been chucked away just like that.

all I'm saying, is that it is right to question these influences i nevery little thing that you do. I'm not saying to revolt against internet usage, for that will be slightly barbaric and insane. Keep up to date, but be aware.

....
....I also had great news that waited for me in the email. I've been invited to round 2 of Shell Interview! Off to KL for a full day challenge! Should I be nervous? I want to go to the UK to further my education! Must prepare for any Michael-Bay type explosions ready for my face. Oh, what a childish expression, tehe.

Hypnosis: Enter the Subconscious mind [Personal Experience]

this requires edit. I was suppose to accord my own personal experiences to my encounters of hypnosis, but I was too caught up with my work. Engrossed in it to the extent of going into infinite detail, and I sacrifice much of my sleep with this. the topic was 'Application of Radioactivity in our everyday lives' and I found things I wouldn't generally expect to come across as interesting. This mechanical engineering stuff has really got to me now.

Back to the hypnosis topic, a brief word. It works, but I wonder why it's stronger and accessible when I'm contemplating during my prayers. When I try to do it any other time, I'm not as inclined. Have I truly achieved the trance state, and is that how it really felt like?

Basic Space

I've came across a really interesting article in the morning. It says there in the front page, 'how the conscious process the way we perceive things'. I thought, wow, must be a bunch of neurological facts about how them people finally found how the brain works! I flipped through the pages and couldn't find the article. Went through it the second time, till I find myself on the index page. The teachers that went in and out of the library door after some staff meeting did not help either.

Surprise to see that they are actually talking about visual impairments, and through their tests with patients of visual agnosia, they concluded that it acquires different locations of our brain to produce the pictures we truly perceive in our routine life. Some of the tasks are as the following - absorbing different energy of photons to allocate the distance of the object through our retina(?), reconstructing several basic shapes and morphing a three dimensional image to something that we recognise, and setting focus on one direct object or maintaining soem degree of focus/blur on other objects surrounding focused object. I also found out according to the article, that we rely mostly on our subconscious mind to process what we've seen, so the subconscious actually plays a major role to accompany the conscious mind's quests! In what way exactly, that I can summon to my own conscious mind although the familiarity swims idly in my subconscious. See what I mean? But bleh, that's about storing the visual memory and what it registered from then. I might actually have discarded part of the article's valuable contents, since I don't actually use this later part of the day [apart from occasional day-dreaming and now]

Some sweet terms for supper that relates to visual impairment. Who knows, you can use this for your own lofty quest to construct an entertaining fan fiction of a disturbed character, who finds amusement in his own optical distortion:
Dysmetropsia : A group of visual illusions involving alteration in size/seperation of visual objects
Macropsia: Things that appear bigger than they are
Micropsia: Thigns that appear smaller than they are.
Pelopsia: Objects appearing nearer
Teleopsia: Objects appearing further

They also mention something interesting, but briefly - how some people can register what they hear in speech form but alien to other kind of sounds. Haha, hint - some other sounds do vibrate at the same frequency, so how does that make it any different than speech form

Anyway, time for bed. Enough nerd-facts ramblings although I do want to share a bit more. I do believe I am improving with my learning. I'm pretty happy about that. Oh dang, hadn't started on anything about my final piece. Must take one day off..... I don't know when. Good night for now

Sporadic. A new word for my vocabulary.

I'm putting my own career at stake here. Three months, is all I'm asking for. I've been lazy these couple of days. I have random sporadic bursts of moods - sometimes I'm effective, and at other times I'm not very. At home, distractions are simply everywhere.

I've also lost my special edition copy of National Geographic magazine, all about the technology of our space exploration attempts and our very own universe.

The day has truly been good for me if I think about it. I have finally set myself free from the pain I've blocked out all these years. A bit shivery and shaky at the brink of my confession so I didn't really specify what it was exactly, but being able to indicate it for the first time... and now, I see a new light. Eventually this light is going to fade if I don't seize it. So lets make a jump for it at an opportunity like this.

I would start by reading, lots and lots of material. These information would be useless if not for jotting down interesting things, keep them in the file of my own interest. I would also make a division of notes, one being the most important are 'Mental Methods', which I dwelt with for quite sometime. That is my mission for tonight. I'm now procrastinating my work for tomorrow. I'd soon take a day off for my art. I really do know my priorities huh?

A fruit for thought, there are articles I've come across spontaneously in these 2 days, and it is true to believe people have been spending huge amounts of time that does not result to any fruitful development. I'm referring to the activities such as [as one sole example] spending infinite amount of time on television dramas that are unlikely spur ideas from you, or are beneficial to your own production of film. If you're not planning on producing anything out of it, then what was the use of the time? The sacrifices polymaths took specifically, was to manage their time properly and to not spend it on the wrong and wasted intentions. They sharpen their skills in a linear way, connecting the dots from one unrelated field to another field of expertise with whatever time they have. Half way through the age of their lives, they would be satisfied to know they have tackled so many areas one normal person could not comprehend. Say, your parents come home from work, instead of preparing dinner and watching football/american idol [depending on the class you belong to, not that I am nudging at the idea of stereotypes of two genders], if they would have spent their time painting or mustering a foreign language, wouldn't they truly be more enlightened/satisfied?

Which is what I am aiming for, fingers crossed. I'm already half way there with some of my interests and skills. The next thing is to cope. A polymath. What a fancy description.