disaster

Someone asked me to the prom about two days ago. It was online, while I was chatting aimlessly to anyone online - a few hours after my exams had ended. I had said that I would give a think about it, just give me a few days.

This is the first time I've ever been asked to prom to. Maybe the last, I don't know. But all I know is that I wasn't really looking forward to the prom so much in the first place, and only decided to go for my friends - some people who are moving. I wouldn't mind, although there is a tweek bit of me that resent this, to skive the whole dancing part of the social event. Especially slow-dancing. I even agreed this with my friend beforehand.

Due to my experience last year, I didn't really like the dance floor nor the dancing. Last year was my first ever prom night. There was a lot of sweating and heating, the dance floor is really tight, and a lot of hard techno music with lights flicking and beaming in every direction. The whole experience gave me a headache and my blisters on my ankle.

Slow dancing? I was a bit insecure. I didn't like it too much when a guy draws his breath on your neck and gets too touchy. Or maybe just touchy in fact. I'm more of a "I'll have to get to know you in depth before you touch me that way" kind of person. Well, there's one bit of that just haunts me literally. I would say to myself, until the person is right will I wait till that kind of stuff is appropriate.

Drawing back to the present, I am at loss whether I should say yes or no. Whether I should reject this guy or accept him. Whether I should make his day, or pride my independence. This person is after all, moving, and I've known he's been showing signs since last year. He told some of my friends he does fancy me, a few weeks before the exams started. But should I? I did say I would give it a thought.

It's literally bugging me. Just tonight, I ignored everyone and I received a lot of nudges for it. I didn't want to make up my mind now, not yet. I'm just scared that I'd be that bad mean person that I don't want to be. I don't want to let anyone down at all. I don't want to ruin anyone's best nights or last few days here. But I don't want to make it bad for me either.

Sometimes I think I needed a life, or some hormones.
But I'm happy the way I am.

If I am asked by one of my favourite Beatles, would definitely... but in my dreams you know.